Meditation on prayer

Lord, I was meditating the other day.

I know you want me to pray. I have not because I fail to ask you. I have not because I fail to ask with the right attitude. I ask for the wrong things. But you call me to pray.

You call me to pray passionate, real, honest, wild, prayers like those in the psalms. It is hard to be like David Lord. He was a very passionate man. A man after your own heart when he was rightly attuned.

I find myself to be run down, tired, and weary. I find myself praying prayers like I would have a conversation with an honored friend over coffee. They are more "networking" prayer times in which I see the two of us talking about common concerns and my asking your help while I also speak to you about private matters and struggles. But, I rarely get really worked up. I am not a David.

So I really need you to show me how to get my passion up. To be able to pray with that much energy. Brother James says that you desire my prayers to be fervent. To burn with intensity. Screaming prayers. That is what is hard for me. I don't scream much.

That really takes me to my meditation. In my younger years as you know I did scream in prayer a lot. My prayers were fervent. They were not always wise but they were filled with energy. I was filled with energy and hope of changing the world. I had no idea how much changing the world needed. Sometimes you answered these prayers. Sometimes you did not answer these prayers.

I prayed desperately for my grand mother and she lived 30 years and lived till 99
I prayed desperately for Pastor Jerry and he died on Easter Sunday

I prayed desperately for direction if I should become an "ordained pastor" and you answered that prayer. You provided funds to send me to seminary.
I have prayed desperately for our church to grow and you have said no to that prayer for 14 years.

You do not want me to lose heart in prayer. So help me to keep praying for your will.

At the end of every fervent prayer I believe I must come to the point of saying "not my will but yours be done." Yet, before I say this I must strive to argue with you, beg you, with humility ask you, seek you, and not give up until like Paul I get some insight into something deeper.

The smallness of the church is my thorn in the flesh. The lack of the ability to see the ministry grow is my messenger of Satan. Is "smallness" helping your grace work in me? Or am I to continue to ask you to remove it?

Fervent appeal with submission is a difficult combination.

A new year begins. Help me to become more fervent and more submissive in prayer. Give me more wisdom about how to pray. Fill me with the Spirit so that I may pray for your glory and my good.

Thank you blessed Messiah Jesus

Thank you Father

Thank you Holy Spirit

Amen